So Lily spent the weekend with us. Peter worked sat evening and this morning. He is still isn't home. Clair picked up Lily at one and she couldn't wait to get out of here. She hates me. I don't know why, I have always been nice to her. Hell I even did the kids laundry today. I got very angry after she left. No reason in particular. Apparently, just seeing her face pisses me off. I threw some stuff and basically bitched the rest of the day to two friends that came over. I don't think that's healthy.

*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*

Child support.

So Peter and Clair had their talk. Clair decided that Lily is such a smart girl that she wants to send her to preschool at age 2 to "give her a head start" She wants us to pay half which comes out to 360 dollars a month. I don't think so. My husband is losing his job in 2 weeks. I don't work. Bring the little girl over here. Preschool is daycare. Lily would be much better off if her bitch of a mother just sat down with her 20 minutes a night instead of getting wasted all the time. We are just going to tell her we can not afford it. I am also calling a lawyer first thing on Monday. I would have had much more respect for her if she just came out and said that she wanted child support. I do not believe for one minute that she is going to pay 360 a month for preschool. I think she is going to send her to a reasonable day care and pocket the cash. Now happening. We are getting a child support/custody agreement written up and presenting it to her. With in the next couple weeks. If she doesn't agree, she can take us to court. I guarantee she will get less money that way then just accepting our offer. She can do it however she pleases. I did a child support calculator online and she would receive negative 272 dollars if she took us to court. bwahaha. I am sure the court would award her something, but it sure as hell isn't going to be no 360 dollars a month. This bitch is crazy.
Lily is here this weekend. My husband had to work this evening and tomorrow, so Clair will be picking up lily from our house at one. with just me and the children here. I find it hilarious that she wants nothing to do with me, but yet she is forced to see me. She thinks that she always gets what she wants, but I have more resources and the brains to get what I want...we will just see who comes out on top. But honestly, I do want what is best for Lily, which is the main reason I haven't kicked clair's ass yet...lets see if I can keep it together.

*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*

...

So Peter is currently at Clairs having a private talk and picking up Lily. He is going to inform Clair that from now on, I will be present at all serious talks because I am his wife and as his wife I should be involved. Way to go husband...if he does it. We'll see. I am going crazy sitting here and waiting for him to call me and tell me what she said. I am impatient and I do not want to wait until he is home. I didn't go tonight because I want to appear as though I am not threatened by her. And I am not. She is an ugly cunt. And if she was a decent person, she probably wouldn't be Peter's baby mama right now. I feel kind of bad for her. I mean she got knocked up and he wanted to be involved, but he didn't want anything with her. Then a couple years later he knocked me up and chose to make me his wife. Sucks for her that I kick ass. I promise I am not really this cocky. I just am trying to reassure myself that I have nothing to worry about. I know I don't but I can't help feeling a little bit insecure. You can be damn sure that no one will see my weaknesses. I have always been very good at putting my insecurities deep down and keeping them there. Only since I have been a mother have I been a bit of an emotional pussy and I don't like it. Well I love being a mom, it's the emotional bit I don't like so much.
A very good friend that I haven't seen in close to a year stopped by with her children for a visit today. She has a blended family and is very experienced with "baby mama's" and what not. She helped me feel better, for that I am very grateful. I do hope to be seeing more of her.
We went shopping today to get the rest of the things we needed for Connors birthday party which is next sunday and Lily will not be attending because apparently camping is more important than her half-brothers first birthday. How much can a 2 year old really get from camping anyways? Whatever.
Clair needs to grow up. I have some extremely immature thoughts, some of which I express here, but I never act on them. Well as of yet. Suck it up and be an adult. You are a mother now so put your child as your first priority. She is an innocent little girl and you are fucking her up, Clair. I dread the teenage years with Lily. It is going to be no curfew at mom's but dad makes me be responsible and I don't like it. It is going to suck, but this child will live by the exact same rules that my children do when she is under our care. I will not have my children feeling left out and I will make sure Lily doesn't feel left out. I want the most functional blended family that is possible.
I check Clair's facebook from time to time. I print things out that may possibly help my husband should we ever go to court. I hope it doesn't come down to that, but if it does, the stupid bitch won't know what hit her. I have a fucking army of lawyers thanks to various car accidents and financial things and I also have 250,000 in the bank. I will hire the best fucking lawyer in this state if she wants to play hardball. I told my husband, I would much rather be 50 grand in the hole, then let that stupid bitch try to manipulate us.
I was informed today by my good friend that last year my state changed their child support laws and that now Clair has no legal right to back child support for the 2 years she denied peter as the father. That bit of info definitely was a huge weight off of my shoulders. I have to do some research on it, just to double check, but I am much happier.
I haven't been sleeping well and now I am starting to lose huge chunks of hair in the shower. I know they say after you have a baby, you lose hair. It's been a year; I think it's stress. well peter is calling...I'll write more later.


*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*

Clair is a whore.

So 2 nights ago, my dear husband called clair to see when to pick up Lily for her visit this weekend. I was sitting next to him and he had her on speakerphone. This is how the conversation went.
P: What time do you get off work?
C: 5:30 so anytime after that is ok. Um, is Maggie and Connor going to be you?
P: I don't know why?
C: I want it to be just you because we need to talk.
P: I'll have to talk to Maggie and I'll let you know
He hung up and I was pissed. He texted her asking her what she wanted to talk about. She never responded. I see to reason for her to want to talk to him alone. I am his fucking wife, so I have every right to be there. We make decisions together. He is not going to agree to shit without me knowing what's going on first, so it just makes more sense to have me at your bullshit talks. Long story short I think it's bullshit.
He didn't text her back until today. I told him to tell her that I had physical therapy, but I will be included in all future talks. He will not talk to her unless I am there. Honestly I don't trust peter with the legal stuff and I am a control freak. I want to be as in the loop as possible so I won't be blindsided again. I think that had my husband told me as soon as he found out that Clair is saying it's his daughter and not procrastinated for 2 fucking months because he was afraid of me, then I wouldn't be so all up in his business. He has shown to me that he can not handle it. He waited 2 months to tell me, but didn't talk to Clair until he told me.
Sometimes I want to hit my husband. I love him dearly and I know he loves me, but I don't know honestly, if our marriage will make it. Neither of us are big fans of divorce, but honestly after our fight I can't help but wonder how many more fights are going to happen because of Clair just existing really. I do know that I am going to try my best. I love my husband and I want to be with him for the rest of my life, but I wonder if we are strong enough. Or really if I am strong enough. I know he is. My husband is amazing. But I don't know if I can do it. So much has happened to me that I am about at a breaking point. It has nothing to do with our relationship. We have a great relationship, I've just had shitty luck with life until I met him. Not anything to do with men even, just life experiences in general. I don't know if I am going to be able to ever be ok with this. It makes me wonder if all the stepmoms out there truly adore their stepchildren or if they are just staying and playing pretend. I am hoping that I can grow to love Lily and her part in my life, but for now I am playing pretend, really so I don't look like a bitch. But really, I want to go kick her ass. I haven't been in a fistfight since 7th grade, but I really just want to punch her in the face and make her stand there while I list every injustice she has done to me and my son. I don't fucking want a blended family. I want my fucking fairy tale. Why is that so much to ask? I have never had it, can't I have a moment. But I suppose this is why they are just fairy tales.
That's all I can write right now, I'm too emotional. I assume that my posts will be like this for a while. Hope it gets better.

*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*

So I started this blog for therapy basically. I have been waking up in the middle of the night recently and I can't fall back to sleep. I have deducted that it is stress. So here I am destressing. I guess I am also hoping I can gain insight to my deep deep deep down feelings. Right now I have no idea what I want or what to even do. I am talking long term mostly. I think of all the things you hear about problems that step parents and their children have and I can't stop thinking that is going to happen to us. I am going to do my best to be civil/almost friends with Clair and I am going to do my best to treat that step-daughter as my own. A lot of step parents I know do not discipline their spouses child. I can tell you right now that I will raise my kids the best way I know how to and when Lily is at my house she will be treated as one of my children. Come back in 5 years and see what I say. I told my husband today, "I swear to you this is going to be the most functional blended family in the world, if it's the last thing I do." I am still undecided as to whether or not that is the best attitude to have...Who knows. I guess we will figure it out as we go.
I have been battling with the loss of my "fairy tale life." The life I had always wanted, but now I had it all. The great husband, beautiful son, nice suburban home, 2 cars, no worries in the world besides when your mortgage is due and what your kid just ate, and along comes Lily. And it's not her fault. She should not be punished for the drunken mistakes of her parents. But I feel a little bit of resentment towards her. I know that it is wrong and it really has nothing to do with her, but I can't help it. I am also afraid that this resentment will turn me into the evil stepmother despite all my intentions to be a fair and wonderful role model in this little girl's life. She desperately needs someone!
We went to the park with Clair and Lily and Clair informed us that over the weekend, Lily wondered into the middle of the court in front of their house and sat on the street, because Clair was getting too busy dumped in the pool. I don't really think of clair as a halfway decent mother. I hate her. She sucks. I'm sure there will be much more of that to come. She is "The Cunt" in my phone as of right now.
Onward down my path of fairy tales and the evil step mother.



*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*

Am I going to be the evil stepmother?

Two days ago, my husband, Peter, and I got the results of a paternity test online.

Now, rewind. 2 years ago when I was about to get married, I sat on the couch with my husband in my 1 bedroom apartment. We were talking about children.

He informed me that there was this girl, Clair. My husband had been friends and only friends with Clair for a while, they worked together at a video store, they partied with the same people, ect. Her boyfriend of 2 years dumped her. She, Peter, and their mutual group of friends partied, got completely shit-faced and had relations. Peter doesn't actually remember the sex. He remembers drinking then waking up butt-ass naked next to Clair. They didn't talk after that. She finds out she is pregnant 5 months later. She tells Peter that she is "having a baby, it's name is going to be Lily and you are the father." After he sits down to actually think about what to do, he informs her that he wants to be involved and wants to go to the doctor with her and wants to love and raise this child, well in guy speak, but you get the point. They set up a doctors appointment and she is supposed to give him the time. She informs him that she wants a relationship. If they are going to play house they may as well give it a shot right? He wasn't into her. He told Clair that he wants to be a part of this child's life, but doesn't want a relationship. She stopped talking to him after that. He tried calling, texting, ect. He finally gets a hold of her and she tells him that the baby is not his.

I was informed of all this a week before my wedding. I was ok with it. I thought, well I have dated a guy with a kid before and it was fine, so even if this kid shows up in 10 years, it will be great. whatever.

My husband and are got married because we loved each other dearly. We got married when we did because I was four months pregnant. Now 2 months ago, my dear mother in law sees Clair's mom about in town with Lily and Lily happens to look an awful lot like Peter, so she informed Peter about this. She also told him she was going to write a letter to Clair inquiring about Lily. He said ok. Clair responds and says yes it is Peter's. MIL has been babysitting this child since then. Clair's babysitter conveniently quit when my MIL offered to babysit free of charge, a child that has not been proven belongs to my husband. I found out about this a month ago.

My husband informs me of all this, after keeping it to himself for a month, 30 minutes before we were leaving for his grandfather's funeral.
He had not yet spoken to Clair. He called her, they did lunch, and him and I and Conner, my 11 month old, met this 2 year old little girl. A couple weeks later, Clair called my husband saying she had a party to go to and wanted to know if he wanted to watch her overnight. We did the paternity test then and they overnight visit went well. We mailed off the package and 2 days ago got the results.
I am now a stepmom. I was just getting used to the idea of being mom. Now keep in mind I have always wanted to be a mother and have some issues with my fertility. So when Peter knocked me up, I was happy. Not the best timing, but happy nonetheless. Lily is coming next weekend to stay with us.

to be continued...

*all names have been changed to protect those involved, but mostly to be able to write whatever the hell I want*